It's xmas eve eve

Today is the day we are suppose to be getting this lovely beaut back!

What they don't know is that they aren't finished, I am taking it back anyways.  I'll crawl over glass and rocks to get this baby back today.  First we had the Soul and then the Chevy Malibu.  We all know the issues with the Soul and while the Malibu was so much better, it isn't my car.

Also, FYI the Soul is the highest selling car in it's class model thing.  I KNOW!  I couldn't believe it either, people are actually willing buy it.  But then there are people that can't believe I bought a hybrid and that it's foreign.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Christmas...blah

Christmas is in 4 days…And I am kind of ready for it to be over.  The past couple of years haven’t been all that Christmasy.  It’s probably that thing that happens when you go from being a child to an adult and it just doesn’t hold the wonder and magic that it held back then.

It’s nice be around family and exchange gifts, but the work and the desire that everything must be perfect or be the exact tradition as last year wears me out.  I think a lot of this stems from the fact that after 3.5 years of marriage we still don’t celebrate on our own really.

We barely get to enjoy this season because we are rushing off to this or that, and there are so many days I’d rather sit around enjoy spending time with Jerry being thankful for our savior’s birth. 

I know one thing I can’t wait for is that I don’t have to work at all next week!  I am so excited to be able to sleep in, lie around the house and do nothing if I please.

Also, the one highlight of this week has been watching a bunch of teenagers playing dodge ball with toilet paper.  It was epic and hopefully will be a game that returns!    

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree!

Since I phoned it in on today's earlier post I thought I would finally post pics of our x-mas tree!  I went with a silver / white, teal and lime green theme!!

It's hard to tell, but most of the tree is glass bulbs and then there are shiny sparkly lime green and teal accents stuck into the tree.

I had extra shinny things and no garland so I made my own decoration on the mantle.  I think it looks AWESOME!  Yay, for my creative genius!!  The ribbon is held in place with tea light holders, and I'll have to post a picture of them all lit so you can see how pretty it is!

Side view!

Sparkly silver trees and a fake teal poinsettia!

And of course we have to represent with a D!

Butt paste or something like it

We participated in a white elephant gift exchange this week and we almost walked home with this:

I was fully prepared to find some use for this, and if I had to I would have become a gymnast just so this didn't go to waste.  Lucky for the Olympic team that won't be a problem because we ended up with tea and cups after the butt powder was stolen from us!

Lasik...Am I crazy?

I decided that I want to get Lasik.  Are you asking yourself “Who cares?” or “Why is this important?”?  Remember that post about my phobia of all things medical?  Well you’re in luck you get one of the many stories describing why my volunteering for Lasik is a HUGE deal.

So after much thought and psychological processing my medical phobia all stems from the fact that I am terrified to die.  I know that as a Christian we aren’t supposed to be afraid to die because we know where we are going, but guess what?  I am still terrified of dying, and God gets that so you need to just accept it too.

Story:

The summer before my sophomore year in college my mom had a major surgery because her intestines got all twisted.  She was a medical anomaly because this normally happens in kids not adults.  Anyhoo we are at her follow up appointment and the doctor was explaining what happened and how she was recovering etc.  (We did bring Mama C because no one thought I would actually be able to handle this appointment)

At this point I am slowly starting to lose it (i.e. turn white, see black dots and all other general feelings of impending black out), but I am trying my best to keep it together.  Then, I kid you not, the doctor starts to dictate into his medical program on his computer in complete medical lingo, of which I don’t even understand, and I get to the point right before no return.  So, I jump up, mumble excuse me and run out into the hall way.

I only know of one way to cope with this and it’s to lie on a cold floor (i.e. bathroom floor) and breathe deep breaths until I calm down.  That obviously isn’t an option here, so I lean up against the wall rocking myself and start signing “Our God is an Awesome God” over and over try to get it under control.  That’s right I have now moved into “look like a crazy person territory”.  Welp that didn’t work and I blew chunks all over the bathroom.

This caused the poor nurse to have to clean up my mess, and no matter how much I tried to help she wouldn’t let me.  Also, this entire time my mom and Mama C know exactly what is going on, so by the time they find me they are laughing hysterically. 

So, that whole Lasik thing going to go so well!  Riiiight!

P.S.  I am also the same girl that practically passed out and had to lie down on the floor of my eye doctor’s examining room when he put numbing drops in my eyes.  Yup, I am setting myself up for an awesome time! 

Barf galore in our house

Do you know what is awesome?  Being 15 minutes late and then having to clean up dog throw up….

Let’s set-up that scene, shall we?

Rusty has been throwing up semi-regularly lately and it’s because he keeps eating towels, socks, tissues, other such items and oh yay POOP just because he can.  Then he eats it because we are gagging so much it’s gone before we can get ourselves under control.  I am pretty sure that Rusty has thrown up the same thing the last four times.  There I am getting ready upstairs (and by getting ready I mean I just finished blow drying my hair and don’t have a layer of clothing on) and he gets the look that says it’s coming up and then he keeps trying to go over in the corner of the room, but I keep trying to get him on the tile.  That doesn’t work so I throw some clothes on and try to rush him down stairs and outside.  Does that work?  Nope the dog runs to the corner upstairs and barfs right in front of the office door.

I decided I don’t care if I am three hours late to work there is no way I am letting this dog eat this again and barf while are gone today.  I lock him in our room so he can’t get to it, but every time I went into the hall the smell of puke and re-eaten poop permeated the area so bad that I had to back into the bedroom 17 times.  Finally I exited the bedroom with the Febreeze on full blast in an effort to mask the smell just long enough so I could clean it up.

 Since we are already on this disgusting journey so let’s take it to the next level.  There were only two things that made me almost lose it worse than the smell.  1. When I was scooping the throw up into the trash bag with the dust pan and three of my fingers slipped into it.  2. After I finished that scoop and I had to go rinse the dust pan off and seeing the residual throw up on that sucker.

I hope your morning started off much better than mine…and if you pass by me and smell throw up just know I was a good dog owner and didn’t let him eat it up this time.

Motorcycle bonanza!

This past Saturday my family and I went to a motorcycle show up in Long Beach.  We had a grand ole time and now of course Jerry has 50 more bikes he wants to buy.  Are they the cheap affordable ones?  Nope my man has $100 tastes on a $10 budget, so we are still at an impasse.

Of course this show has bikes of all shapes, sizes, colors and styles.  Do you enjoy a 1940s countryside ride chugging along at 15 miles an hour?  Well I have just the bike for you:

Perhaps you are short and want a street racer, then this would be the bike for you.  

While seeing all of the bikes is awesome, nothing beats walking behind an old man and hearing him rip one of the loudest farts.  Oh wait, the thing that beats that is hearing him do it a second time.  Yup he did, and he just kept walking straight ahead as if nothing happened.

But the best part of the ENTIRE day was walking around looking like a tourist embarrassing Thing 1 and Thing 2.  We may get older, but frankly we never grown up!

Winning the rodeo on a Shetland Pony

Convo from last night:

J: Watch out you’re going to hit my truck.

K: I’m not going to hit.

J: What are you doing?

K: Starting over so I don’t hit your precious truck.  You know this isn’t my first rodeo!

J: Don’t go there.

K: No, I would be great.  I could barrel race.  I am small.

J: Your legs aren’t long enough.

K: I have pretty long legs for my height.

J: You can’t compete by riding a Shetland pony.

K: (Fake sulk because Lord knows I could compete while riding a Shetland pony)

Jerry forgets knows that telling me I can’t do something it is the exact way to get me to succeed at something.  This clearly means he wants me to become the first barrel racer riding a Shetland pony; watch out rodeo circuit your new circus act has arrived.  It’d be like mutton busting, but legit.

Image from theequinest.com

Basically getting a brand new car

Remember that 5k in damages I was talking about yesterday?  Yes?  Well that actually means my car isn’t going to be ready for an additional two weeks.  Here is an idea auto body shop that is trying to be hip and up on the times, if you are going to text and email your customers maybe you make sure they are sending the right info.

We received a text stating my car would be ready on the 7^th a week ago, and every day since then it has been texting us the “progress”.  As a matter of fact I receive one today that said they were just putting the finishing touches on my car and would indeed be ready for pick up tonight.  Funny, because yesterday on the phone you told me the entire backend still needs to be rebuilt and it won’t be ready for two weeks or so.

Anyways in true materialistic form I am working on trading in the hamster car tuna can because I have to keep my image up.  So I am working the sedan angle, but when they say sedan we all know that it is a compact car, but here is hoping for a new Ford Focus or Nissan Sentra.  I’ll let you know if my cool factor grows by 1000% tonight or not, but it remains to be seen.

P.S. Those Christmas tree pics are still on THE camera and since I am sleeping on an air mattress in the office currently you’d think this would be done by osmosis.  Nope. No such luck. 

I want my car back!!! (Said with Ugly Cry Face)

Today is the last day that I am supposed to be driving the rat hamster car, and I am ready to be rid of it.  If you are contemplating buying a Kia Soul, DON’T.  It is a noisy car and it constantly sounds like I am driving up Mt. Everest and the car is going to explode at any point in time.

Honestly, I am just really ready to have my precious car back in my possession.  Oh and rumor has it that they car had $5,000 worth of damage.  Yup, just from being rear ended I have 5 grand in damages, so I really hope my car works well again.  If my seat heaters are broken, all HELL will break lose.  I mean I upgraded the package solely so I could have butt warmers in the seats.

You are probably thinking this makes me materialistic, and I say correct.  I have waited 10 years to buy the car of my dreams and when my ’98 Honda Civic bit the dust I jump on that chance faster than white hits rice.  I said to myself “Self, you have paid your dues.  Don’t you remember that ’87 Ford Econoline van and that ’88 Volvo Station Wagon?”

Yes, of course I remember those.  I remember driving that van with my head out the window on my way to school because the defroster didn’t work.  I also remember everyone singing that song about the Volvo Driving Soccer Mom.  So, I decided to shed these scarring events and get an awesome fancy schmancy new car, but this Kia brings all those memories back.

P.S. Here is a video of the Kia commercials.  Just seeing this tells you the car has LAME written all over it.

P.S.S. Thing 1 and Thing 2 conveniently blew up the engine in the Volvo so they didn’t have to drive it throughout their high school years.  Well. Played.

Yay for Christmas

I think I was supposed to have a post about that awesome Christmas tree that I am decorating up by now, but alas those pics are still on the camera.  Of course they are because I bet you didn't know that climbing the stairs and plugging the camera in to download the pictures is tough work.  Maybe I can coerce Jerry into loading them on the computer tonight for me.  YAY for being lazy!

That sign still isn't done, and since we have to touch up the teal pain very carefully (much more carefully than the splattered mess I made with my final white paint coat) it's going to probably be a couple more weekends for that.

BUT in awesome news for those of us that celebrate Christmas because of Christ, did you know that Disneyland puts on a Candlelight Processional each year.  In this very awesome event they sign traditional gospel Christmas carols and they read the nativity scene out of the BIBLE!  That's right fellow Christians they actually open up the bible in the city of angels.  Crazy Right?  It was awesome to see experience and I recommend it.  But fear not fellow cynics Disney brought it’s self right back to true LA Form and charge $2,500 per ticket if you want a seat during the hour long performance (okay, yes it does include a meal and a tour of Walt's apartment there, but unless they are sending me home with a piece of gold too I wouldn't fork over that money).  So, unless you have found the magical formula to grow money on trees, it looks like you are standing with the rest of us peons.  This ceremony is always the first week in December, and if you’re going to Disneyland that weekend next year you should check it out.

I thought I'd make Jon Stewart More Attractive

A while back I share that Jerry compared me to Jon Stewart, and while that might be insulting to some, I’d rather be Jon Stewart than Martha Stewart any day.

Since I can barely keep the house in order I figured there have to be other ways to make Jerry enjoy coming home.  These are the options I came up with…

(1)       Always have a warm meal ready for him to eat when he gets home.

(2)       Always have a cheery deposition and a smile on my face so he immediately perks up.

(3)       Have a cold beer waiting and his favorite TV show ready to play when he walks in the door.

(4)       Dress cute so he thinks everything is well kept.

So, 1-3 are automatically out…I get home the same time he does and I don’t really like to cook.  If you think number 2 is even remotely possible you clearly don’t know me because I can make ya laugh, but I am not going to always be happy.  We rarely have beer in the fridge, and we don’t have cable so that’s out!

That leaves me with option 4, and I of course can do this but it has already proven a challenge.  Yesterday, I wore a cute sweater / skirt combo and actually wore panty hose / stockings and quickly remembered why I gave those up a long time ago.  Take the picture below…Yup that is a snag that arrived at or before 8 am.  So the rest of the day I was doing everything possible to prevent a run and then run home and put clear nail polish on it so they will last more than one wear.  Those weren’t cheap baby, and I can’t be ruining them every time I wear them at $6 a pop!

Also, the panty hose never stayed up all the way, so I now know what the Beibs feels like with his tight girl pants that he sags, and frankly I have no idea why he thinks it’s so comfortable.  

Today is day two of dressing cute and I am wearing these beauts.  These are the shoes that I was waiting for (which they never came and I had to go re-buy them. Lame!) and they’re technically half a size small, but they look hot and I’m keeping them.  No pain no gain!  

Jer, if at any time this isn't working for ya, just let me know because I can always go back to dressing like People of Walmart no prob!

Life's happenings

Here is what is going on or not going on in my life currently.

-          I have a half decorated Christmas tree because nothing says “We have spirit, yes we do!” like a half decorated tree.  The way we are going this tree won’t be finished until 5 days after Christmas, but it WILL be finished at some point.

-          My sign still isn’t done, so when you come to my house don’t think we aren’t welcoming you.  As a matter of fact we have every intention of welcoming you; we just haven’t gotten to it yet.

-          I am currently driving around a Kia Soul.  If you ever want to drive in a car that is made from tuna cans, this would be the one.  In case you have no idea what this car looks like, it is the car from the commercial with the mice driving the car.  Also, no joking on some models apparently the speakers light up based on the music you are playing.  People, you clearly couldn’t get any more hip than this car! 

-          Jerry attempted to shut me in the garage today as I’m trying to leave for work.  There I am sitting in the garage about to back out and the garage door goes down.  He apparently missed the cherry red Soul sitting in the garage.  I realize that his truck could eat the Soul in one bite, but it is bright red and his truck doesn’t sit that high off the ground.  The best part is when I open the garage door back open, and I was standing in the middle of the garage he was laughing hysterically.  So that begs the question true mistake or practical joke?  Jerry, care to respond?

-          Last but of course not least, look what I found at Albertson’s this week.  That’s right ladies it’s “Afternoon Delight” in Twilight form.  Now you can have your Edward, Jacob and chocolate all at once.  You ARE Welcome!