Friday, September 30, 2011

The moment when I thought I officially lost it

I only told you yesterday's story so I could tell you today's.

After scrubbing the poop crust so hard, I had the most beautifully clean floors one could imagine in my house.  Be proud people, be proud!

Anyhoo...The next morning I am running my usual five minutes behind, don't suggest that whole set the clock five minutes ahead thing it doesn't work, scurrying about my morning routine.  But this morning I was running an extra five minutes behind, so I slipped on my four inch sling backs and ran down the stairs like a champ.  On my way to grab my lunch and head out the door I almost fall flat on my extra round behind, but caught myself on the refrigerator.  Jerry asked if I was okay, as written into his "Husband Contract" of required responses when injuring oneself.

This wasn't a particularly odd occurrence since I have always had trouble mastering the art of walking without attempting to kill myself.  So to slip on a surface that I normally can walk on happens pretty much every day, and when high heels are involved I am doomed.

I am finally headed out the house only an additional minute late, and I fall flat on my face.   Did you know you Lysol doesn't quite get rid of the poop smell?  (Probably the reason he keeps pooping there) Well I found that out!  My lunch went everywhere, fruit flew under the TV, and surprisingly there were only a few drops of smoothie on the floor.

"What is wrong with you?"
"I slipped geeze!"
"I really think we should consider this was more than a slip."
"What are you saying?"
"I think you have officially lost control of your limbs, you might want to get that checked out."
"Are you saying I am going lame?"
"It's that or your pants are too long because two falls in one morning is a lot even for you."
"My pants are fine....OMG it's the floor cleaner I used.  Looked at that glossy shine on the floor, I almost killed myself with my cleaning abilities."
"Yeah I highly doubt that, but you have amazing balance because you only dropped two drops of your smoothie on the floor."

I am going lame, but I have great balance?  Oxymoron anyone?  

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Updated: Eeek the Terror is lose

You know that moment when you walk into your house and something doesn't feel right?  Then you look around and things are out of place.  Yup, that happened Tuesday but the only burglar was this:

Don't let that innocent face and clear green eyes fool you!  This dog is a terror when let lose to romp around the house by himself.  Nothing is safe especially if it is soft to the touch or tastes good.  This is the dog that will dig through the dirty hamper for socks, grab one, stuff it in his jowls to hide it and thinks he is going to sneak past me.

So, here I am running around the house screaming "What have you done you little escape artist?  How did you learn to open your crate yourself?"  Then I started to get proud of him because he hadn't chewed anything, and maybe this was the sign that our little boy is growing up, FINALLY.

(Cue the slasher movie music)  There it was, the GIGANTIC puddle of pee.  I swear the Terror held in a weeks worth of pee until he was alone for two minutes and then he blessed us with "The Littles'" new pacific ocean.

Twenty minutes later I find the poop crust.  Poop crust you ask?  Yup, this dog thinks he is helping by pooping and eating it, but after he thinks he is done eating there is poop crust stuck on the floor.  Much like the burnt on cookie to the pan (HA! I just ruined cookies for you) this crust doesn't go any where even after 17 hours worth of least it gives the floor traction.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Favorite Memory from the Week

I have been racking my brain and trying to figure out which memory to pick from this week because there were several!

And then I remember the awesomeness that was my brother during our soccer game this weekend.  Unfortunately I don't have a picture of this, but it is what it is.

The three of us play on an indoor soccer team on Saturdays together, and this past Saturday was our first game.  The Twins as they will be affectionately called, were both on the field, and that alone is a sight to see.  They were passing the ball up the field and Thing 1 passed Thing 2 the ball in a glorious give and go (I don't have time to explain this so please google).  So Thing 2 T's up for a shot, and he shoots it so hard he hits the goalie in the head, the goalie flips around and falls to the ground, and was knocked out cold. (I never enjoy others pain, I promise!)  Seriously he hit the goalie so hard he was bleeding and had a bruise, and the best / worst part is the goalie didn't even put his hands up.

The goalie getting hurt was the unfortunate consequence of not putting his hands up, but seriously can you imagine how hard that shot was?  I have always wanted Thing 2 to be a stand up comedian, but now I am thinking we use him as a NFL kicker to make our riches!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

That's when I realized I am really 80

This past weekend we were eating at Five Guys, and I was enjoying one of the best hamburgers I have had in my life time (yes, I have eaten there before, hence the reason we go back).  It was melt in your mouth delishiousness!  I wasn't in the mood to be disturbed, I just wanted to enjoy this burger bite by bite.  And all of a sudden these three tween girls walk up and start playing with this Coke machine:

It's all the rage because you get thousands of types of soda from the touch of a button and you can mix and match.  So these girls decide they are going to press the soda button for every option.  Click on click off, Click on Click off.  Again and again a thousand times all just to see what they look like.  It looks like soda honey, that's why it is coming from a SODA machine!  The only thoughts going through my head at this time were "Where are these children's parents? and That is such a waste of soda!"  At 26 I should be encouraging their curiosity, but no I am annoyed they are disturbing my burger enjoyment like an 80 year old man!

Monday, September 26, 2011

3 Facebook rules to live by & I do mean live by

We really need to make a pack to stop doing these things on Facebook because, well, they are annoying!

1. Stop complaining about Facebook changes.  Just. Stop.  Facebook changes it's appearance and the location of things twice a year.  Once in the fall (to give kids something new to learn about besides school.  It has to keep their addiction/interest some how!) and generally in spring.  We know that in about six months they are going to change it all again, just to throw us for a loop, but instead of complaining why don't you just cut the cord?  I know it'll be painful, like the dreaded caffeine headache, but then at least you actually did something about your dislike. 

2. The chain posts about cancer, autism, bra color or any other representation of a social issue.  I officially hate everyone in the world because I haven't ever re-posted one of these things and I actually never even read them.  I don't have to read them because they ALL start the same way "It's xxx week / month", followed by a ridiculously long post.  So everyone knows to just skip over that one in their feed

3. Last, but certainly not least...Please quit with the self like / comment!  Do you want to know how we know you like it? BECAUSE YOU POSTED IT!  That is the beauty of social networking you can post something that you like or hate, but it honestly diminishes the meaning when you self like it or comment on your own posting BEFORE anyone else.  It's like you got antsy and can't believe no one liked it, so you assume you will get more hits if you like it first.  Please just let the Internet decide if what you posted was funny, thoughtful or important.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Public Service Announcement for Prius Drivers

If you drive one of these:

Please, for the love of all man kind, don't drive below the speed limit when on a freeway and not in traffic:

I get that you have a bar on your dashboard that shows you how well you are doing while saving gas and the slower you go the better it looks, but in case you haven't noticed CA drivers never drive the speed limit.  We invented the "drive up to 10 miles an hour over the speed limit and don't get a ticket" rule.  I mean when we go to other states we get a pass on that speeding ticket because we have the golden license that says CALIFORNIA on it! 

So when you are driving a measly 45 mph in the FAST LANE on the freeway you are the reason traffic happens.  I promise you aren't going to teach us young wiper snappers to drive slower by hogging this lane.  We already have to live everyday to and from work in traffic inching along at 10 mph.  So, please, please, pretty please with a cherry on top, just drive 65 in the SLOOOOOW LANE.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Enough with the health and wealth gospel

I am really tired of hearing people complain about not being well off or blessed just because they believe in God and Jesus.  I have no idea where people have received this idea that God is like the genie from Aladdin.
I'll give you everything you want except Heaven!

God doesn't promise us a life of ease and being blessed the way we want.  We are called to follow him, and often what He considers a blessing is not what we would consider a blessing.

Let's take Mary for example.  She was an unwed teenage mother before it was cool and she could get her own t.v. show.  She risked losing her husband and having everyone in her family turn their backs on her.  She gave birth to this world's savior in a manger around the farm animals.  Then after raising this child and loving him like a mother would she watch as he was beaten and nailed to a cross to bring her eternal life.  Would you consider that a blessing?  Or are blessings money and belongings that are in this world?

I hope everyone, especially in the good ole US of A that we are extremly blessed and that maybe instead of complaining about what we don't have we should figure out ways to share what we do have.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Gal Pals

This past weekend was our monthly girls night in, and as always it was a great time.  I am pretty sure our husbands don't quite understand why we loves these so much, but I honestly am always so excited for these nights.  We are able to freely talk about everything going on in our life, and we are never worried about offending each other.  This is one of the places that we can be our confident, strong selves and not worry that we are going to be judged. 

I laugh with these girls, and if I ever needed to cry they would grab tissues while saying it'll be fine.  I cherish these friendships and I really hope they continue far into the future because I trust their opinions on various things.  I want to look back on this life and know it was blessed because they were in it.  That I wouldn't have survived the tough times without their prayers, and that the joyous times wouldn't have been as fun without their laughter.

I pray that everyone woman is blessed with a couple of friends, like these, that they go through the journey of life with.  Life is full of so much more color when you have these types of friendship, and in reality they are what keep you sane and point you to God in those tough times.

Thank you for being those friends because life just wouldn't be the same without your friendships.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Favorite Memory

With the help of my MIL, Mom D, I made the first of 5 pillows for our family room couch!  I'll post step by step directions of how we created it later, but the best part is we made the whole things without a pattern.

Note: Each week I post a picture of my favorite memory from that week as a way to celebrate the many fun awesome things life has to offer!

Friday, September 16, 2011

2 Reason's Pat Robertson doesn't know what he is talking about

Pat Robertson is this guy that hosts The 700 club, and he gives commentary / answers viewers questions.  Well yesterday he gave us all this wonderful gem of wisdom, and honestly I really wish he would stop voicing his opinion to the public because he is just showing how hypocritical Christians can be.  And now for the two reasons he clearly doesn't know what he is talking about:

1. He obviously hasn't read the bible ever or if he has he is losing his mind.  The bible clearly talks about loving others and take care of those in need, i.e. your sick spouse!  Hello, does anyone remember "Love your neighbor as your self"?  Yes, a spouse technically isn't a neighbor, but if you are going to love a neighbor as yourself don't you think you should love your spouse more?  The Bible also states not to divorce your spouse, unless there was adultery.  So, if you have to go through a divorce then that means the person isn't dead!

2. Pat Robertson has clearly never seen the Notebook.  If he had he would know that love gets you through everything!  Please reference exhibits A & B(can't embed sorry) below:



And just for fun! Best. Scene. Ever.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Sitting in bathrooms praying for strength

This last year has been one of the toughest that I have had to live through, and I am still working through everything that happened.  The thing is though that this last year was one in which there were far more downs then ups, so many days where it felt dark and lonely.  Don't get me wrong there were happy days and days to celebrate, but on the whole it was one of those years that I am still not quite sure how I made it.  Days when getting out of bed took all my energy, and having to function was near impossible.  It was one where if I didn't have my Hope that I probably would have given up completely.  

These days it's better and that dark feeling is receding, but you see now I have to fight it where as before I didn't.  Every day is that battle for hope and peace and joy.  Some days are easier, and the joy comes without almost trying and I treasure those days.  I enjoy them and know that those are the days to look at when times are tough.  But see the thing is I don't know how to express this to people.  How do you tell them you are okay and you will be fine, but you just have to get through today.  It's like those days of PMS when you are crazy, but you know that in two days you will be normal again.

It's days like these that I have found odd comfort in the bathroom stall.  Where God literally meets me, wipes my tears and gives me strength to face the rest of that moments trial.  I finally get Paul and his whole when I am weak He is strong thing.  It sucks and I don't want to be weak, but in those precious moments with God in that stall I realize who He truly is.  I understand His heart, and I see that no matter how many times I pierce Him with that nail He is always waiting and ready to accept me when I finally turn to Him. 

Monday, September 12, 2011

We could never forget

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of September 11th, and it was remembered with many moving tributes.  I have to been honest though and admit I am tired of people always saying "Never forget" or 'Always remember".  September 11, 2001 completely changed the fabric of the American life.  It is the reason we are in two wars, why we have to go through body scanners at the airports and frankly I will never be able to look at 911 the same.

Yes, it is true that the next generations will not remember it the same way I do, but they will still remember it.  Much the same way I remember Pearl Harbor or the Kennedy assassination.  Every generation has their tragedy, and they are all remembered respectfully.  We will always morn for those that were lost.  Always.  Instead I wish people would say "I'll/We'll never forget" or "I'll/We'll always remember" because we just can't forget.  I truly believe that day was one that changed history forever.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Clearly the reason we shouldn't be allowed to have children yet (or maybe just me)

In case you some how slept through the last 24 hours, and don't ever look at the Internet, own TV, buy into the idea of cable or live under a rock, you know that a ridiculous amount of people were without power in the south west.  That's right it was an "unprecedented" event that has never been seen before, and the way people were acting you would have thought it was the 2nd coming.  We were so out of power that street lights weren't even blinking causing people to believe they always had the right of way.  Treat it like a 4 way stop people, we learned that in driver's ed!:
Throughout this whole event I realized people should be thankful I don't have children yet because I clearly can't take care of myself or my husband in a crisis.  After taking 2 hours to get home I was starving, and those close to me know I turn into Medusa when I go too long without food.  We were definitely getting to that point and the only way I know how to cope is open the refrigerator and stare until something stands out.  Of course that was out because it will make the food good bad quickly, and it will earn me a scolding. 

At this point I needed help, so a friend is suggesting ideas for an hour and we don't have any of her suggestions.  (Did I mention we never went to the grocery store this week?  Yup, all we have left is the remnants of our grocery trip two from weeks ago.)  Then i realized we have a gas stove!  We can totally cook something that is dying of freezer burn and I'll turn back to normal.  So, Jerry proceeds to light the gas stove with normal matches, thank God it was him and not me because I would have either lit myself or the house on fire.

Later, I wanted to die because it felt like we were in Hell and I had a brilliant idea!  Go to Target to get ice cream, it'll give me an excuse to eat a ton before it melts and it will cool us down.  Yeah, except Target is smart and locks their freezers so you can't get the food you really want out!  So we risked our lives for nothing, and Target was a chaotic mess.  So, I asked the smarter of us what is going on and he replies: "The normal people are getting water, you know to survive!"  "Oh yeah we need that too because we don't have anything to drink!"

I did learn two things though.
1. Keeping the refrigerator closed is a crock because we had to through out all the good stuff anyways.  After 4 hours it goes bad anyways, so I COULD have stared into it to my hearts content.
2. People do live under rocks and the person stating this comment proves it:  "Yeah, so La Mesa was sooo dark last night."  Uh apparently you didn't hear that all of Southern CA, and parts of AZ and Mexico were sooo dark as well.  That is kind of what happens when you have a massive blackout.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Being healthy might kill you

I am attempting to be more healthy because my hips are continuously attaching those doughnuts I eat.  I know everyone says everything in moderation, but unless I eat a thousand pieces of fruit and veggies to one doughnut, moderation doesn't work for me.  I also can't ever seem to make time to work out and I get it's a choice, but the couch feels better than sore muscles!

Anyways, I decided that I am going to start adding Green Superfood (veggie powder) to my diet.  The idea behind it is simple, it is powdered veggies that you add to a drink and it is suppose to help you get your full serving of veggies that day.  I have tried this before in OJ and it wasn't too bad, and after one day I didn't feel anything but I have heard people talk about the benefits of it.  I drink a smoothie almost every morning, and I figured I can add it to that without it tasting too weird.

Anyways, yesterday I get home and see this and the following conversation takes place (poor guy):

Me: Uh, is this a new science experiment?
Jerry: No, it is that awful green stuff you bought.
Me (laughing): Yeah, you for sure don't add this to water and definitely not to 59 oz of water.  Seriously you are suppose to put it in juice or a smoothie, and only like 6 - 12 oz.
Jerry:  It said 6 or more oz and I didn't realize it would taste that bad.
Me:  Yeah, did you even smell it?  It smells like horse food and I wouldn't want that in 59 oz of water.
I love this man so much!

So, I think we have learned a new lesson today boys and girls...Green powder great in smoothies, bad in water.  Especially when water is more than a shot.