Last week I was .5 points away from a mental breakdown, and the weekend was no where near enough time to actually recover. Since I barely held it together last week, is it really any wonder that I completely failed at all of my resolutions? Nope not a surprise to any one at all!
Being completely honest, I haven't actually recovered at all from this past month. I still feel run down and out of energy and frankly I want to hide from the world.
If I am being even more completely honest, I am angry. I am frustrated at this point in my life, it's not where I want to be or even really where I want to be headed. I want the path God promised me to be happening now and it isn't and I am tired of waiting. I want to be at that next step and I don't want to learn whatever lesson God is trying to teach me.
But most of all I am tired of pretending to be satisfied with the way things are. I am not. I am not joyful, and all I really want to do is crawl in bed and not come out until these feelings go away.
I realize the way I am feeling is not what we are taught as the mature Christian way to feel, and I realize it's hard to be friends with someone when they feel like this. But, is it better that I pretend nothing is wrong? Because I feel that isn't right, I feel it's better to be honest and open and let the pieces fall where they may. As usual there are good days and bad, and for the most part you probably wouldn't know the difference because I don't want you to. But maybe you are feeling the same way and you don't know how to express it, at least you know there is someone else that has been there.
Anywho, as this journey continues there are going to be days like today when it's hard to face the day and it would be easier to call in sick to life and stay in bed. Today that wasn't the right decision and what do you know I made it through one more day.
P.S. My friend Char now has a blog so check it out!