The moment when I thought I officially lost it

I only told you yesterday's story so I could tell you today's.

After scrubbing the poop crust so hard, I had the most beautifully clean floors one could imagine in my house.  Be proud people, be proud!

Anyhoo...The next morning I am running my usual five minutes behind, don't suggest that whole set the clock five minutes ahead thing it doesn't work, scurrying about my morning routine.  But this morning I was running an extra five minutes behind, so I slipped on my four inch sling backs and ran down the stairs like a champ.  On my way to grab my lunch and head out the door I almost fall flat on my extra round behind, but caught myself on the refrigerator.  Jerry asked if I was okay, as written into his "Husband Contract" of required responses when injuring oneself.

This wasn't a particularly odd occurrence since I have always had trouble mastering the art of walking without attempting to kill myself.  So to slip on a surface that I normally can walk on happens pretty much every day, and when high heels are involved I am doomed.

I am finally headed out the house only an additional minute late, and I fall flat on my face.   Did you know you Lysol doesn't quite get rid of the poop smell?  (Probably the reason he keeps pooping there) Well I found that out!  My lunch went everywhere, fruit flew under the TV, and surprisingly there were only a few drops of smoothie on the floor.

"What is wrong with you?"

"I slipped geeze!"

"I really think we should consider this was more than a slip."

"What are you saying?"

"I think you have officially lost control of your limbs, you might want to get that checked out."

"Are you saying I am going lame?"

"It's that or your pants are too long because two falls in one morning is a lot even for you."

"My pants are fine....OMG it's the floor cleaner I used.  Looked at that glossy shine on the floor, I almost killed myself with my cleaning abilities."

"Yeah I highly doubt that, but you have amazing balance because you only dropped two drops of your smoothie on the floor."

I am going lame, but I have great balance?  Oxymoron anyone?  

Updated: Eeek the Terror is lose

You know that moment when you walk into your house and something doesn't feel right?  Then you look around and things are out of place.  Yup, that happened Tuesday but the only burglar was this:

Don't let that innocent face and clear green eyes fool you!  This dog is a terror when let lose to romp around the house by himself.  Nothing is safe especially if it is soft to the touch or tastes good.  This is the dog that will dig through the dirty hamper for socks, grab one, stuff it in his jowls to hide it and thinks he is going to sneak past me.

So, here I am running around the house screaming "What have you done you little escape artist?  How did you learn to open your crate yourself?"  Then I started to get proud of him because he hadn't chewed anything, and maybe this was the sign that our little boy is growing up, FINALLY.

(Cue the slasher movie music)  There it was, the GIGANTIC puddle of pee.  I swear the Terror held in a weeks worth of pee until he was alone for two minutes and then he blessed us with "The Littles'" new pacific ocean.

Twenty minutes later I find the poop crust.  Poop crust you ask?  Yup, this dog thinks he is helping by pooping and eating it, but after he thinks he is done eating there is poop crust stuck on the floor.  Much like the burnt on cookie to the pan (HA! I just ruined cookies for you) this crust doesn't go any where even after 17 hours worth of scrubbing...at least it gives the floor traction.

Favorite Memory from the Week

I have been racking my brain and trying to figure out which memory to pick from this week because there were several!

And then I remember the awesomeness that was my brother during our soccer game this weekend.  Unfortunately I don't have a picture of this, but it is what it is.

The three of us play on an indoor soccer team on Saturdays together, and this past Saturday was our first game.  The Twins as they will be affectionately called, were both on the field, and that alone is a sight to see.  They were passing the ball up the field and Thing 1 passed Thing 2 the ball in a glorious give and go (I don't have time to explain this so please google).  So Thing 2 T's up for a shot, and he shoots it so hard he hits the goalie in the head, the goalie flips around and falls to the ground, and was knocked out cold. (I never enjoy others pain, I promise!)  Seriously he hit the goalie so hard he was bleeding and had a bruise, and the best / worst part is the goalie didn't even put his hands up.

The goalie getting hurt was the unfortunate consequence of not putting his hands up, but seriously can you imagine how hard that shot was?  I have always wanted Thing 2 to be a stand up comedian, but now I am thinking we use him as a NFL kicker to make our riches!

That's when I realized I am really 80

This past weekend we were eating at Five Guys, and I was enjoying one of the best hamburgers I have had in my life time (yes, I have eaten there before, hence the reason we go back).  It was melt in your mouth delishiousness!  I wasn't in the mood to be disturbed, I just wanted to enjoy this burger bite by bite.  And all of a sudden these three tween girls walk up and start playing with this Coke machine:

It's all the rage because you get thousands of types of soda from the touch of a button and you can mix and match.  So these girls decide they are going to press the soda button for every option.  Click on click off, Click on Click off.  Again and again a thousand times all just to see what they look like.  It looks like soda honey, that's why it is coming from a SODA machine!  The only thoughts going through my head at this time were "Where are these children's parents? and That is such a waste of soda!"  At 26 I should be encouraging their curiosity, but no I am annoyed they are disturbing my burger enjoyment like an 80 year old man!

3 Facebook rules to live by & I do mean live by

We really need to make a pack to stop doing these things on Facebook because, well, they are annoying!

1. Stop complaining about Facebook changes.  Just. Stop.  Facebook changes it's appearance and the location of things twice a year.  Once in the fall (to give kids something new to learn about besides school.  It has to keep their addiction/interest some how!) and generally in spring.  We know that in about six months they are going to change it all again, just to throw us for a loop, but instead of complaining why don't you just cut the cord?  I know it'll be painful, like the dreaded caffeine headache, but then at least you actually did something about your dislike. 

2. The chain posts about cancer, autism, bra color or any other representation of a social issue.  I officially hate everyone in the world because I haven't ever re-posted one of these things and I actually never even read them.  I don't have to read them because they ALL start the same way "It's xxx week / month", followed by a ridiculously long post.  So everyone knows to just skip over that one in their feed

3. Last, but certainly not least...Please quit with the self like / comment!  Do you want to know how we know you like it? BECAUSE YOU POSTED IT!  That is the beauty of social networking you can post something that you like or hate, but it honestly diminishes the meaning when you self like it or comment on your own posting BEFORE anyone else.  It's like you got antsy and can't believe no one liked it, so you assume you will get more hits if you like it first.  Please just let the Internet decide if what you posted was funny, thoughtful or important.

Public Service Announcement for Prius Drivers

If you drive one of these:

Please, for the love of all man kind, don't drive below the speed limit when on a freeway and not in traffic:

I get that you have a bar on your dashboard that shows you how well you are doing while saving gas and the slower you go the better it looks, but in case you haven't noticed CA drivers never drive the speed limit.  We invented the "drive up to 10 miles an hour over the speed limit and don't get a ticket" rule.  I mean when we go to other states we get a pass on that speeding ticket because we have the golden license that says CALIFORNIA on it! 



So when you are driving a measly 45 mph in the FAST LANE on the freeway you are the reason traffic happens.  I promise you aren't going to teach us young wiper snappers to drive slower by hogging this lane.  We already have to live everyday to and from work in traffic inching along at 10 mph.  So, please, please, pretty please with a cherry on top, just drive 65 in the SLOOOOOW LANE.

Enough with the health and wealth gospel

I am really tired of hearing people complain about not being well off or blessed just because they believe in God and Jesus.  I have no idea where people have received this idea that God is like the genie from Aladdin.

I'll give you everything you want except Heaven!

God doesn't promise us a life of ease and being blessed the way we want.  We are called to follow him, and often what He considers a blessing is not what we would consider a blessing.

Let's take Mary for example.  She was an unwed teenage mother before it was cool and she could get her own t.v. show.  She risked losing her husband and having everyone in her family turn their backs on her.  She gave birth to this world's savior in a manger around the farm animals.  Then after raising this child and loving him like a mother would she watch as he was beaten and nailed to a cross to bring her eternal life.  Would you consider that a blessing?  Or are blessings money and belongings that are in this world?

I hope everyone, especially in the good ole US of A that we are extremly blessed and that maybe instead of complaining about what we don't have we should figure out ways to share what we do have.