November clearly doesn't like me

November really needs to be over, and I am quite thankful there is only one day left in this ridiculous month.  I honestly think God was like let’s see how much she can take this month alone.  Maybe no more God?  Of course He is like hey one day left you’re in luck.

Let’s recap what I / we have had to deal with this entire month.

1.       Jerry was gone the first half of month

2.       My dogs in in a fight

3.       Family drama

4.       Getting this stupid cold that won’t go away!

So that is what has happened so far, but nothing compares to this morning.

This morning I got rear ended on my way to work.  That’s right fellow 56 W travelers I was one of the three cars that caused traffic to back all the way up to 15.  That’s right ladies and gents when I get into an accident there is no other way to do it, unless I cause the biggest scene possible.

 How did I cause a scene?  Well, let me tell you…First there was the three car pile-up and then I had to call 911 which sent an ambulance, fire truck and two CHP officers.  Then after calling the all-knowing Jerry I had to keep it together for the two other drivers.  So, if you are ever in a crisis you should have me on your side.

I managed to keep it together the entire time, but I did almost lose my non-existent breakfast when the fire fighters and paramedics showed up to look at the driver from the car in the middle.  That’s right every girl’s dream of 10 fire fighters and paramedics showing up and losing their breakfast in front of them.  Hmm, maybe not a bad way to get attention? 

The reason for this is because of course my extreme phobia with anything having to do with medical attention.  There are probably about 50 blog posts about all of the incidents that have happened when I have had to go to the hospital and urgent care.  But, let’s just sum it up with this: Jerry once asked my old boss if I laid down on the emergency room floor and healed myself.  I am sure that now requires these stories in full detail, gah.  Later young one, later.

Anyhooo we are now working on getting my car fixed ect.  Oh yeah, and this is the second accident I have been in with my car that is less than a year old.  LAME!!!

P.S. To the Jerk that yelled at us out of his dump truck that all the accident was a fender bender and to move along, maybe you be more concerned with our safety instead of being so mean.

P.S.S.  On top of this loverly incident I was also oogled by the nice looking mail man in our food court again.  I say nice looking because he looks like he could be someone’s sweet grandfather, but clearly he is a dirty old man, as usual.  I wish I could have gone up to him and said “Yes, my lady lumps are gigantic get over it and stare at something else.” 

Thanksgiving is best not traditional

Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday and frankly it's because of Turkey.

Now that I have thoroughly twisted your panties in a bunch, lets straighten those things out and I'll explain why.  I get that Thanksgiving is the holiday where we all join our crazy relatives around the same table and say how thankful we are for everything in our life, but let’s get real here Turkey totally ruins the meal.

I hate white meat because it is generally dry and there is never enough dark meet to go around.  So, when I get stuck with the white meat I need a gallon of water to swallow the two pieces of turkey I selected so I don’t insult the cook.  The turkey is clearly not good unless it is slathered in gravy and even then it doesn’t go down well unless I hide it in mashed potatoes.

Since my parents abandoned us to go to Hawaii over Thanksgiving, and really who can blame them (A cruise and no Turkey?  Sign me up!), my brothers and I decided a non-traditional Thanksgiving was in order.  So we went and got ourselves so nice prime rib with all the traditional Thanksgiving sides, but no lame Turkey!  Of course Jerry threw all caution into the wind and got Chicken Cordon Bleu.  Weird, but totally in the spirit of non-traditional! 

I hope you and your families had a great Thanksgiving as well, and that one year you try out the non-traditional way!

Crafty Kelly part 2

This post is supposed to be the finished sign project, but in an effort to keep expectations low, you only get part two.

So I am still in the process of painting the white on, and after about 100 more coats it should be finished.  Meaning the final post will be up in three months since we are waiting a day betwixst each coat.

If i didn't mention this before all of the paint is oil based because it will prevent the metal from rusting unlike a water based one, which will actually cause the metal to rust.  For the lettering we chose to go with a gloss white, so it would be bright white.  That way there is no doubt in your mind we are welcoming you into our home.

To apply the paint I needed a thin brush so enter old make-up brushes.  I used the one on the right because I knew it would be easier to control.  Of course if you are going to do this make sure you clean the brushes really good because you don't want the make-up to stain the paint like I almost did.

Here is the required shot of my painting, so you know I didn't hire someone else to do this. 

That is after one coat of paint which is not nearly enough.  I am on three and a half coats.  Three and a half you ask?  It's because one night I got through WELC and the next night I only got through OME and the boarder and started again.  So, I need to catch up and finish it off.  The painting should be done tonight or tomorrow morning. Then Jerry needs to drill the holes, touch up the paint and attach the cute rope we have yet to find.  Needless to say we'll be lucky if we get this done and hung up by the end of this long weekend.

Me trying to be crafty

A while back Jerry and I helped out the Future President’s parents and sister move their stuff after a garage sale, and so they let me take this sign for free as payment.  Little did they know that the pizza they provided was more than enough.  J

Anyways, I wasn’t really keen on the all-black sign, and didn’t find it welcoming, but I have been looking for things to make our front porch look pretty (Although that box with the new shoes I am waiting on will do the job just nicely, if they would ever come).  So, I decided that I would repaint the sign to be more “me” and then hang it on the front porch, the 1^st step to make it more welcoming.  Thank goodness Jerry is around because he was able to help organize me so I can actually make this a reality.  So, here is the first half of the steps we are taking to make this prettier.

We needed to take off the twirls and surrounding metal piece to paint it, and once we had it off I decided I liked it better that way.  My house isn’t ornate and so the simple sign will look much better, plus part of the top was broken and we had no way to fix it.

Then we took an SOS pad to it to sand off any lose paint and get rid of the dust and dirt.

Then Jerry read the directions as any good husband would do.

Then he showed me how to spray paint it because he was worried I’d go buck wild and the entire garage would be in my favorite color.  If you know me at all you are not surprised at this color choice because if possible I’d probably be painted this color that is how much I love it!

We put several coats on the front, then flipped it and sprayed the back and sides.  

This paint dried to the touch in several minutes and we were able to flip it about 2 hours after that last coat was sprayed.  Then I let it dry for 24 hours to make sure that it set fully.  So, far so good!  Next post will be the letters and boarder!

Girl's night; required for sanity

So we had girl's night a week ago and because of my sickness I slacked at getting the pics and story up.  

We reiterated my old soul once again as discussed here and here:

We were all discussing what to get for dinner at the Old CA Minning CO, and several people mentioned the all you can eat salad bar and soup.  To which I asked “oh how good is the salad bar?”  And they replied “It’s okay but go look at it if you are concerned.”  So, I did and then said “That the Sizzler had a way better salad bar!’  I mean all this salad bar had was lettuce a few toppings and salad dressing.  Sizzler has a mini Hometown Buffet for their salad bar, and paying $10 bucks isn’t that big of a deal.  I want variety in my all you can eat salad and soup combo especially since we only had three soup choices.  The girls were making fun of me because only old people go to Sizzler apparently, but in my defense I have been there probably once in the last five years.  Too bad that one time was at like 4.  I just can’t get away from my old soul.

Making fun of me for not wanting the salad bar.  Was it as great as you say? I think not!

The second part of the evening was playing Apples to Apples, drinking wine and eating homemade Pizookie.  Which if you have never had, go to the nearest BJ’s restaurant and try one now!  Below is the requisite girls night supplies, and for the record I bought six bottles of wine because they were on sale, and the 7th was bought by someone else.  We only opened two!  I promise!

Why good friends are a blessing...

So I have been sick this week, yesterday I stayed home from work sat on my butt all day watching private practice.  Then my dogs got in a fight and I had to take the one to the vet at 9:30pm.  So life has been soooo peachy this week.

But then I got this awesome peace of gold from Glamorama in my inbox and it was hysterical.  So funny I started crying and kept crying because in the midst of the craziness I have great friends that do things like this so randomly it's awesome.

Please enjoy...

Updated: Jerry is nothing if not honest

Last year at this time Chik-fil-a had a Peppermint, Chocolate Chip Milk shake that Jerry fell in love with.  If he could have married it he probably would have.  Well when he found out that they were bring it back this year he about peed his pants in excitement.  This man was so thrilled that he would be able to indulge again for another two months!

Well this treasured milk shake came out last week, and I am sure that he went several times to get this milk shake because as he said to me I only have a limited time to enjoy this.  So the following was a discussion that occurred because of this.

K:“Hey so I thought that we could go get you a milkshake from Chik-fil-a!”

J: “We can get you one, but I don’t really want one.”

K: “What!?!  How could you possibly not want one?  What happened to I only have a limited time?”

J: “I am full from dinner, so maybe another time.”

K:“Okay, well I want one, and I don’t want to share.  Especially because you don’t share them well.”

J: “Okay.”

5 min later

J: “We’ll just get you one.  It is likely that I’ll drink it all, but let’s only get one.”

10 Min

J: “We’ll have one small Peppermint Chocolate Chip milkshake.”

K: “Small?”

J: “Yes, I am not going to have that much.”

10 min later

K: “I am soooo glad we got mee the milk shake.”

J: “Are you being sarcastic?”

K: “What me? Sarcastic? No, Never!”

5 min later

K: “Okay, but seriously I thought we got this for me.”

J: “I am only sharing it with you.”

K: “Yah, but as you said if you shared you would drink it all.”

J: “Sooo, what didn’t you understand about that?”

Touché Jerry, Touché.  Expectations set and met.

Finally caught that cold going around

So Jerry is on his last week of training for the new job, and I am so ready for him to be back home full time.  But the little stinker brought a cold home to me.  Seriously!  I fought the cold that was going around when we were in Redding, and succeeded in never catching it.  But Jerry comes home for one weekend, 48 hours and I get this stupid cold?  Yup, so now I have that wonderful head in the cloud feeling and I feel like I am moving in slow motion while the world is moving in fast forward.

Anyhooo, as much as I sure you want to know about the color of my snot (yellow / green) and the ridiculous amount of sinus pressure I am feeling, that isn't what we are talking about today.  No today is a rant because when I get sick the sass level dramatically increases.  Today is to tell the world to stop focusing on yourself and start looking at the people around you.  Stop pretending that you aren't selfish.  You are selfish, I AM SELFISH.  We are all selfish (please sing that to the tune of the ice cream song), and frankly I am tired of everyone being so selfish including myself.

I am tired of hearing “Well what are you going to do for me?” or “What am I going to get out of that?”.  Maybe the question you and I should be asking is “What am I going to put into this?”.  This is especially true with God.  I think that honestly we should all start worrying about what other people are getting out of our relationships instead of what we are.  I also think that if we change this thinking that we would be more in tune with what other people are actually thinking and worried about, instead of assuming we know the answers.

So, this next week why don’t you try with me to think about others first, put their needs before yours.  I honestly think that if we took this and really tried we might be able to make a difference in someone’s life.  

Blah blah balah

This week has been one crazy messed up roller coaster and I have a hate love hate relationship with them.  The anxiety to get on a roller coaster has me peeing my pants, throwing up in my mouth and fighting the urge to throw myself down a flight of stairs all at the same time.  Then I get on the roller coaster and almost pee myself every time I am facing the drop at the top, but then love it from that point on.  Why the second hate in the relationship you ask?  Well that is because the combination of adrenaline and anxiety causes a lovely headache at the completion of this ride.

The worst experience of this is when I am getting on a roller coaster I have never before experienced.  Case in point the time Jerry decided it would be awesome to take me on California Screamin’ at Disneyland.  I am feeling the usual anxiety and a little worse because it is my first time on this ride.  Jerry is joking that we are going to sit in the way back so I feel every whip of the turn.  He claims it makes it more exciting.  At this point my legs lose their ability to function, and Jerry proceeds to drag my limp body to the platform.  I now start to sing worship songs, and ask God to take me quickly if it’s my time.  Jerry gets me loaded in with the help of the ride operator.

We then leave the platform, go around the corner and stop.  To which I squeak out “why are we stopping?”  And Jerry replies with a bit too much glee “I am not sure you’ll have to wait and see.”  The there is a count down, and I freak out “Why is it counting? Why is it counting?  Why is counting? WHY IS IT COUNNNNNTTTTIING?”  FYI it counts because it is preparing you for the inevitable blast off.  Finally my ride of torture is over and Jerry shows me the blood blisters from digging my nails in so hard on the blast off.  That’ll teach him to gleefully hide things from me on future rides.

So, when a week is a roller coaster it is often a week that calls for hiding out a home and not being sociable, but this weekend I am doing things differently by getting my party on and celebrating Glamorama’s birthday with my gal pals!  Let’s hope I actually remember to bring a camera and capture the fun we have.

Jon Stewart not Martha Stewart

Jerry has been gone 4.5 weeks with 1.5 to go and I am tired of him being gone.  You see, Jerry does so much around the house and it has all fallen to me.  This wouldn’t be a problem but as Jerry recently said to me “I guess I didn’t marry Martha Stewart, but Jon Stewart.”  All I have to say to that is, FACT!

I am never going to be a Suzie homemaker as previously discussed, but honestly I think Jerry only lets me do certain chores at home because he is terrified that other ones would have horrific consequences.  Let us look at the chores that aren’t getting done well and the reasons why:

1.       Trash / Recycling going out: 

a.       This is disgusting and I’ll probably get dirty.

b.      I always forget until 10 pm and who wants to go dragging trash cans out in the pitch black while waking the neighbors. 

c.       I have to go through two gigantic bushes to put these out and I risking my life and limb against spiders.  So I’ll pass.  Therefore Jerry is going to have a lovely time getting this all to the curb when he gets home.

2.       Mowing the law: 

a.        Jerry is afraid I would run over my foot, and I say that is impossible you are pushing the lawn mower not walking next to it. 

b.       Jerry says that I’ll burn the grass or something from keeping the blades too low and he has worked far too hard to watch me ruin it.

c.        Jerry said it would take three months for me to notice the grass even needs to me mowed.  Probably true because I don’t even notice now when he mows it, after he tells me it was mowed.

3.       Pumping Gas:

a.       I love to wait as long as possible to fill the tank.  It adds excitement to my life and makes me feel like I am living on the wild side.  Thing 2 experienced this the other night when I hog tied him to the back seat and dragged him to the gas station 5 miles away all with the “Miles to Empty” flashing three dotted lines.  To which he continuously muttered “I’m not pushing this car, I’m not pushing this car”.

b.      Point A happens because I always have to put gas in the car at night and we all know that the serial killers are hanging out at gas stations at night waiting for poor defenseless girls like me. 

c.       When Jerry pumps my gas it makes me feel like a kept woman, and who doesn’t love that feeling.  So, I try to go a whole week without filling up which really is the root cause of point a.  For all you who can’t believe I let him pump my gas for me, I say you have obviously never experienced this joyous feeling.  So next time you go to the gas station with your SO fake a broken leg or something just so you too can know, and you’ll never want to pump your own gas again.

d.      The real reason Jerry even pumps gas is because he is probably afraid I am going to blow the car up….And he is probably right.  Did you know that you aren’t supposed to talk on the phone while pumping gas?  Me either and I do this all the time.

Yeah, if I were Jerry I would be worried too.  Especially because I think I am going to try my hand at mowing the lawn Thursday night, in the dark.  That should be fun!

Yogurt tastes better at room temperature

Here is a little known fact about me….I let my yogurt warm up to room temperature before I eat it.  What I mean by this is I take the yogurt to work and don’t put it into the fridge so that it is the perfect temperature at 2:00 pm.  Yup, I am admitting this to the world now, and I honestly don’t even know if Jerry knows that I do this. 

It just tastes better room temp!

I have been so ashamed to admit this because it is like wearing that bright letter A on your chest in medieval times.  I routinely put myself at risk for food poisoning by doing this because those cultures that supposedly help you lose weight could potentially kill me.  I couldn’t ever admit this to anyone because I didn’t want to have to get weird looks or explain myself.  But frankly I love to live life on the wild side when it comes to food, so the thought of luke warm yogurt sounds fantastic to me.  Plus I think everything tastes better room temperature or hot.  

Anyways, I told you that deep dark secret so I could tell you this and you wouldn’t think I was as crazy.  After that blackout we were supposed to thrown out dairy products, but when I tasted the milk it tasted fine.  So………we kept it, and because the milk was fine we kept all the dairy products we had. 

My future children will be lucky if they make it to age 5.

Thankful

FYI this isn’t going to be a funny post, and while that is the point most of the time I promised myself that this blog would be about everything going on in my life.  Everything isn't always funny, but this thing is a good thing.

This past year was a tough year for so many different reasons and days were often like this.  A lot of times when we go through difficulty we don’t get to see how that difficutly is going to be used by God.  Instead we want until we arrive in heaven to see how the pieces of our life fit together with others.

But, I have been lucky enough to have been thrown in a completely uncomfortable situation and God is using me.  I am creating change and building people up, but I would never have been able to make this impact or relate to others if I hadn’t go through all of the previous junk.  I understand what it is like to have a person say nasty things about you and others with no power to make change.  I get what it is like to hate doing something every day, but you continue because it is the right thing to do.  I know what it is like to be miserable and to never see the light at the end of that tunnel.

BUT….God is now using me to be that light for others.  He is allowing me to create change that is good, and on top of that I now hear how valuable I am.  I hear “Thank you” and "you’re making a difference".  So all I have to say is that God really does use those tough times for the good.  The thing we always have to remember is that the good may not be seen by us, but there is good coming from it and eventually it will matter to someone.

At least I am young at heart

Here is the lesson I have been taught this week by life experiences, and I hope God is using his sense of humor here because it is quite ridiculous.  Please learn from these because frankly I don’t think God teaches in this way to anyone else, and your way just might not be as fun.

23 was my last year of youngness.  Since then I have been on a steady decline in the ability to function properly.  This was demonstrated in two ways this past week:

a.       First, when you see a man driving a Vespa and you think he has a bird glued to his shoulder, just because it is close to Halloween, it is most certainly not a bird.  Also, slowing down your car to see if it is a crow or other black bird is not necessary and you should realize your brain is playing tricks on you.  AKA, another reason I am probably going blind or losing my ever loving mind.

b.      Second, never let a teenager stand on your back / butt while you are pretending to be a surf board in a game.  Said teenager will step perfectly on your back and cause your neck to lock up, and force you to walk around like Frankenstein all evening.  Plus driving is now impossible causing you to walk home in the snow 500 miles all up hill in the dark.

Halloooooweeeeen and it's awesomeness.

Every Halloween needs the required sloot, and Jerry volunteered this year, and by volunteered I mean got stuck with the largest costume possible that was still too small.  That’s what happens when your shoulders were built to be a linebacker, and your legs are too long for the men’s large.

Check out those buns!  Cacow!!  Crap I forgot family reads this….Dad we have a completely platonic relationship, all the time, 100% serious.

And here is the high waters shot.

And here we are together in our awesomeness!  Yes, we did go in public like this, and we fully committed to it including the mustaches.

Now for the other fabulous costumes, and I am so happy to be apart of such a funny and creative bunch of people.

 Bee and the bee keeper....Genius

Characters from Young Frankenstein.. Igor and the Bride of Frankenstein

Wayne's world!!