This last year has been one of the toughest that I have had to live through, and I am still working through everything that happened. The thing is though that this last year was one in which there were far more downs then ups, so many days where it felt dark and lonely. Don't get me wrong there were happy days and days to celebrate, but on the whole it was one of those years that I am still not quite sure how I made it. Days when getting out of bed took all my energy, and having to function was near impossible. It was one where if I didn't have my Hope that I probably would have given up completely.
These days it's better and that dark feeling is receding, but you see now I have to fight it where as before I didn't. Every day is that battle for hope and peace and joy. Some days are easier, and the joy comes without almost trying and I treasure those days. I enjoy them and know that those are the days to look at when times are tough. But see the thing is I don't know how to express this to people. How do you tell them you are okay and you will be fine, but you just have to get through today. It's like those days of PMS when you are crazy, but you know that in two days you will be normal again.
It's days like these that I have found odd comfort in the bathroom stall. Where God literally meets me, wipes my tears and gives me strength to face the rest of that moments trial. I finally get Paul and his whole when I am weak He is strong thing. It sucks and I don't want to be weak, but in those precious moments with God in that stall I realize who He truly is. I understand His heart, and I see that no matter how many times I pierce Him with that nail He is always waiting and ready to accept me when I finally turn to Him.
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